If you’re scrolling today and notice your feed flooded with people celebrating and honoring their mothers and it’s triggering pain, sadness, or grief within you – it’s okay.
It’s okay to feel loss instead of joy, pain instead of love, or grief instead of gratitude.
It’s okay if your Mother’s Day looks like self-nurturing rather than publicly celebrating.
It’s okay if Mother’s Day looks like any other day because honoring this holiday isn’t available to you.
It’s okay if Mother’s Day triggers your deepest pain and you avoid social media altogether so as to not rub more salt in the wound
You’re not wrong for how you feel, for setting a boundary, for being angry, for feeling apathy, or for not wanting to engage at all.
Mother’s Day can be a stark reminder of what we’ve had and lost or what we’ve never had at all. And, whatever you may experience and move through on this day is valid.
Below, I’ve put together some prompts that will support you as you move through any uncomfortable emotions you may be experiencing and a bonus audio track on how to begin to reparent yourself if your relationship with your mother has been strained, lost, or didn’t exist.
1. What feelings and thoughts may arise for you today?
Bringing awareness to what may come up gives us permission to move through the discomfort and stops us from spiraling into negative self-talk. For example, because I don’t have a relationship with my mother, holidays like Mother’s Day can sometimes bring up guilt for setting the boundaries I’ve had to create with her. Knowing that’s a potential feeling and trigger I may experience gives me an opportunity to acknowledge them rather than avoid or numb them.
And, it allows me to see the bigger picture and be curious about where the guilt is coming from. Does the guilt stem from feeling like I failed as a daughter according to societal expectations? That I’m not grateful enough for the sacrifices my mother made to bring me into this world? Does it mean I’m a bad person?
The simple answer is “no”, but you can see how our emotions and thoughts go hand in hand to create false stories about our character and inherent value. Exploring the stories our thoughts create isn’t the same as embodying them, but rather it allows us to dispel them.
2. How can you help yourself today?
In other words, what are some things (or even one thing) that you can do today to self-nurture? What are the activities that help you feel cared for? Cooking a nostalgic meal, practicing some EFT tapping, trying a new meditation track, tidying up your space, or even just reflecting on these prompts – whatever it is, don’t overthink it, just allow yourself to be intentional with some simple self-care.
A few activities that I find help me move through any stagnant emotions on Mother’s Day include making a special cup of tea and stirring in my intentions for the day, journaling about what feels stuck or uncomfortable, and offering myself physical space to release any residual grief or pain, as well as throwing in a few activities I enjoy like reading and cooking.
3. How can you be of service today? (optional)
This prompt is an opportunity to connect with others (if you choose to, it’s okay to skip this one). And this is not about how you can over-give or overdo today, in fact, if you follow the prompts in order, you’ll notice how it starts with yourself so you can fill your cup first. This prompt is simply an opportunity to share some love if it feels good for you right now.
For example, setting an intention to be extra kind to anyone you encounter today (including the cashier at the grocery store), sending extra love to those who may be struggling today and to those who are celebrating today.
Whatever present circumstances you’re living through right now, please know you’re so loved, and you deserve to feel at peace.
Finally, if you’d like to begin the practice of reparenting yourself to continue to heal from strained or non-existent parental relationships, check out the Inner Parent Healing Notes Episode below.
Sending you lots of love today and, always.